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Who IS That Girl?

I don’t even know the last time I posted here.  What I’m sure about is that since whenever it was I have not done any melting in the weight loss sense.  My life has been turned upside down and I’m finally starting to get my feet back in place.  In the past six months I have gotten divorced, rented out my home and moved (TWICE) and traded in my gas guzzler for a tiny (but lovable!) car.  In so many ways I look at the life I have now compared to the life I had last summer and feel like a totally different person.

Divorce was the most horrible experience I have ever been through.  It is not something I would wish on anyone.  But at the end of the day, I was in an unhappy marriage and maybe he did me a favor by ending it.  Do I wish that he would have handled it differently?  Absolutely.  But I’ve reached the point where I know that my future will be so much brighter without him in it.  I’ve learned some very important lessons.  First of which is that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.  I knew that I had to keep it together for my son, so I did.  There were good days and bad days (and sometimes it is still that way), but I feel that for the most part I held my head up and did what needed to be done. 

Which brings us to today.  I am not the person I was during the marriage.  In a lot of ways I feel like I have found myself again.  And it feels amazing.  The one thing I haven’t found my way back to though, is the girl who didn’t overeat all the time and was about 80 pounds lighter.  When I was looking through my closet the other night I found a picture of myself from about 2005 or 2006.  I could not believe how different I looked.  Younger of course, but SO much thinner, healthier.  I knew I had gained a LOT.  I knew I didn’t like how I look now.  I just didn’t realize exactly how different I look now.  Sitting in the closet, I just stared at the picture wondering “who is that?” and “what happened to that girl?”

Bottom line, I want that back.  I want to feel good about myself and be comfortable in my own skin.  The divorce surely taught me that I have the capability within me to “do what needs to be done” and be strong.  What is it about dieting that makes those some traits seem to disappear?  I’m so tired of deciding to go on a diet, trying it for a day then quitting.  I’m tired of seeing the scale go up and up and up.  And I’m incredibly disappointed that I’ve let it get so far that I am that taken aback by an old picture of myself.

Today is THE day.  I’m doing what needs to be done.  I am strong enough to say “no” to sweets and junk food and snacking all day long!  In college, I was incredibly successful on a diet where I just followed a couple of simple rules:  No sugar, No dairy and No carbonated drinks.  That was the basis.  In addition, I recall that I did cut down my portions, but nothing in particular.  If I had McDonalds, for example I’d just get the sandwich but no fries.  In the evenings I would have either sugar free Jell-o or natural popcorn.  If it worked back then, it will work now. 

I have a lot to lose.  At least 50 pounds, but to be honest I think 80 is what I really want.  It’s going to be a long, hard road.  But if the biggest challenge of the next year is losing weight I’ll take it.  After going through divorce (and all the little suprises that came with it) I can handle this.  Piece of cake.  (Hmm, maybe I should say “walk in the park” to avoid cake references)

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About meltingintexas

Melting in Texas, one pound at at time

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